Satan Lives In My Kitchen

Satan lives in this Cape Flats family's kitchen.

After living through a number of weird events, they say their only weapon against evil is "praying to God Almighty to stop Satan from hounding us."

The evil events include a drumming noise, the discovery of black worms in their beds, strong odours and the appearance of black circles around their house.

And they see witches hanging in the tree outside.

The daughter also constantly vomits and coughs up blood.

The family has tried everything to ward off the evil spirits.

In front of their house they've painted the words "God is love."

They've had hordes of people coming to pray at their home.

Every room is marked with crucifixes on the doors and biblical portraits hang on the walls.

And the desperate family has even gone to the length of sprinkling "blessed" cooking oil around the house, on the advice of priests.

The little boys contribution is a drawing of Jesus on the cross in a bid to rid their house of the ever-present evil.

And their latest measure is to sleep in the kitchen under a makeshift hokkie to protect them from the demons.

They say their neighbours' lifestyles have sparked the demonic attack.

However, the neighbours say the family is crazy...

That's from the Daily Voice, of course. Before I go on, though, I feel I should point out the difference between Cape Town's local tabloid and the supermarket tabloids you might find near the checkout counter of your local Safeway in the U.S.: where the Weekly World News just makes stuff up out of whole cloth, the Daily Voice finds people who actually believe it. I have no doubt that the family depicted in this story is truly scared for their lives. I wish the sick daughter would go to a real doctor, and that the family would start looking around for more logical explanations for the drumming noise and odd smells that are bothering them, but I think even a silly article like this provides some insight into the thinking of a segment of the population here.

I hope that doesn't come across as too snobbish. Notice that I didn't draw any distinction between the people who buy the Daily Voice and the Weekly World News. There's plenty of credulous people in the states who would eat a story like this right up. Just like there are plenty of folks in the U.S. who call priests out to their house to cast out demons. Florida had that person recently who though they'd seen Jesus on their potato chip. Cape Town has this lady.

The only difference, as far as I can see, is that their local newspapers in the U.S., who worry about such things as "journalistic credibility," would rarely print the story straight from the family's point of view, unless it involves the appearance of Jesus. Or the Virgin Mary.

Where was I? Oh, yes:

...Abraham Davids, 74, owner of the house in Retreat, says it all started when two large black spots formed on the cement stoep in front of their house on Good Friday.

Davids believes it is the work of witches. And it prompted him to paint "God is love" on the stoep [the Afrikaans word for stoop or porch, obviously].

The old man lives with his daughter Vanessa Williams, 33, and nine-year-old grandson Elginno in the two-bedroom house.

Every member of this very religious family is convinced their house is under the control of "devils, demons and witches."

But the neighbours say the family is crazy, especially the old man Davids.

Screaming from the stairs, the neighbour says she does not believe in God.

But the religious man and his daughter blame the neighbour's lifestyle for the demonic attack on their house.

They say they have to put up with wild drumming until late at night...

Holding a small, black Bible in his hand, the grey-haired Davids says he is an ordinary churchgoers who has a strong belief in God...

Last Wednesday priests held a special service at the demon-ridden house.

The men prayed and blessed the spookhuis to try to cast out the evils.

But the family say [sic] their home is still being plagued by wicked spirits.

They say they have also found black caterpillars in their beds and are constantly smelling turpentine and other fumes inside the house...

"We are a very religious family and we cannot understand why we are cursed. God comes first in our lives, not the devil."

Standing with his bible and rosary in his hands, Davids sprays blessed cooking oil against the walls in kitchen to ward off the evil spirits.

He says only cooking oil and olive oil can be used to banish evil spirits.

"Two witches were hanging from the tree in the garden," he says.

"The neighbour's husband ran to the toilet vomiting when he heard this," he says.

But the neighbour, who

Yes, the story ends like that, with an unfinished sentence. Bastards. I want more from the godless neighbours! But the newspaper had to leave room for the sidebar, entitled "Exorcising the Demons," which was a how-to box on casting out evil spirits. Among the tips:

Never try to drive out any evil spirits alone. There should be at least two people doing the exorcism. If you are alone, you run the risk of being attacked by demons yourself.

When you live overseas, you learn something new every day!

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