The Moosual Suspects
Here's a startling display of insensitivity from today's Daily Voice that had me clutching my sides:
A Cape Flats community is living in fear of a gang of killer cows that roams the streets.
The hamburgers-on-hooves have already killed an old man.
And the community says the cops need to MOOve in before another person dies.
The Daily Voice has HERD that authorities find themselves on the horns of a dilemma.
But they say they know who is behind the COWardly attack so no STEAKouts are necessary.
The attack on Kebone Lahala, 59, happened as he was returning from the shops on Saturday.
But little did he know that he was being watched by cows with MOOder on their minds.
The cows stood motionless, waiting for Kebone to get closer.
As he tried to pass the grazing herd, they turned their attention to their pray. There was nowhere for him to HIDE.
The ringleader, a huge bull, rushed in and gored the old man in the leg.
Terrified neighbours watched in horror as the cows attacked in a rare, BEEFY display of violence.
Neighbours say they battled for at least 10 minutes to get the four beastly bovines off the man's trampled body.
But the cows refused to MOOve.
By the time the cows were calmed down, Kebone was dead.
His daughter Thabisa Kosana, 23, says a neighbour called her with the news and told her to get home CHOP, CHOP.
The young woman thought the neighbour had made a miSTEAK when they told her that her father had been the victim of an UDDERLY senseless drive-by hoofing.
"I thought they were saying a boy had hurt my father," she says.
"Only later I understood that it had something to do with cows.
"I told my mother we had to get home right away."
The mourge van arrived hours later and took Kebone's body away.
The bloodsoaked spot where he was trampled is now covered with sand.
When the Daily Voice visited the area yesterday, the killer cows were still at the scene of the crime -- brazenly grazing as if nothing had happened.
In a BULLISH move, they smelled the spot and tried to get to their victim's blood by pushing the sand away.
The bull then peed and kakked on the spot as the widow Nosake looked on in UDDER disgust.
Neighbours in the Malawi informal settlement say the cows are a menace.
"They move through the shacks and last week they charged a boy," says one woman.
The owner of the cows does not live at the camp.
The family have not tried MILKING the owner for money for the funeral but he has offered a contribution.
Pastor Tommy Klein, the chairperson of the Police Forum, says cows should not be allowed that close to people's homes.
"There are bylaws about these things," he says.
Klein says the cows need to go BEEFore they hurt anyone else.
For closeups on these pages and for my collection of more Daily Voice stories, click here.
A Cape Flats community is living in fear of a gang of killer cows that roams the streets.The hamburgers-on-hooves have already killed an old man.
And the community says the cops need to MOOve in before another person dies.
The Daily Voice has HERD that authorities find themselves on the horns of a dilemma.
But they say they know who is behind the COWardly attack so no STEAKouts are necessary.
The attack on Kebone Lahala, 59, happened as he was returning from the shops on Saturday.
But little did he know that he was being watched by cows with MOOder on their minds.
The cows stood motionless, waiting for Kebone to get closer.
As he tried to pass the grazing herd, they turned their attention to their pray. There was nowhere for him to HIDE.
The ringleader, a huge bull, rushed in and gored the old man in the leg.
Terrified neighbours watched in horror as the cows attacked in a rare, BEEFY display of violence.
Neighbours say they battled for at least 10 minutes to get the four beastly bovines off the man's trampled body.
But the cows refused to MOOve.By the time the cows were calmed down, Kebone was dead.
His daughter Thabisa Kosana, 23, says a neighbour called her with the news and told her to get home CHOP, CHOP.
The young woman thought the neighbour had made a miSTEAK when they told her that her father had been the victim of an UDDERLY senseless drive-by hoofing.
"I thought they were saying a boy had hurt my father," she says.
"Only later I understood that it had something to do with cows.
"I told my mother we had to get home right away."
The mourge van arrived hours later and took Kebone's body away.
The bloodsoaked spot where he was trampled is now covered with sand.
When the Daily Voice visited the area yesterday, the killer cows were still at the scene of the crime -- brazenly grazing as if nothing had happened.
In a BULLISH move, they smelled the spot and tried to get to their victim's blood by pushing the sand away.
The bull then peed and kakked on the spot as the widow Nosake looked on in UDDER disgust.
Neighbours in the Malawi informal settlement say the cows are a menace.
"They move through the shacks and last week they charged a boy," says one woman.
The owner of the cows does not live at the camp.
The family have not tried MILKING the owner for money for the funeral but he has offered a contribution.
Pastor Tommy Klein, the chairperson of the Police Forum, says cows should not be allowed that close to people's homes.
"There are bylaws about these things," he says.
Klein says the cows need to go BEEFore they hurt anyone else.
For closeups on these pages and for my collection of more Daily Voice stories, click here.
posted by Erik at 6:45 pm
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